Notice: You have been identified as a bot, so no internal UID will be assigned to you. If you are a real person messing with your useragent, you should change it back to something normal.

Topic: I wish I was dead.

Marc started this discussion 5 years ago #2,781

Just an ordinary life:

I wake up every morning.
And I just can't rise up,
I find no motivation to do it.
I am tired and restless.
Every day I am late.

Still I go to school.
And give my best everyday.
But I just can't focus.
My head is empty or there is too much pain.
I see no meaning in this.
I hate it.

I come from school and I do absolutly nothing, I only think my nasty thoughts.
I sleep or I lie in front of the TV or computer.
Then I do some homework I must do.
It angers me and frustrates me.
It is very hard for me.
And then I go to sleep very tired.
There were night I could sleep all night, it just was too painful inside of me.

I find absolutly no enjoyment in anything in life.
There is only the bad side for me.

Soon there will be a break week from school.
I sit at home, I do nothing and I feel so empty.
I basicly have no friends.
And I don't even need nor want them.
I think people are shallow.
I would go somewhere with them, where they have fun.
But it offers me absolutly nothing and I want to go home.

I once belived in love and I believed in miracles.
That was the only thing that I ever believed in.
It brought me only suffering.
I spent an year broken hearted in maximum pain.
Broke it so many times again and again.
It hurt so much, that I ran into the woods
and hit myself with my belt to relive the pain a little.
Now I have killed my feeling, but not on purpose.

A while ago I had nervous breakdown.
It is so hard to survive every second.
I see no future for myself.
I have no prospects anymore.
I see nothing good in my anymore.
Absolutly nothing in life interests me.
I can't see how could it even be possible, that it could be good one day.

Seconds move so slow.
But still time passes unnoticed,
because everything stays the same.
Every second is a burden.
A year has passed and it's as bad as it was back then.
Some things have changed, but never in a better direction.

I have no good memories.
There is not a moment in my life,
that I would want back.
I have been in hell multiple times.
I have never in my life actually been happy.
I don't even know what that means.
...Actually I do know.
I have felt it for a minute.
But it was an everlost moment.
Filled with hope never to be repated again.

I see what goes around the world and I feel bad.
It hurts me to see all of this.
Suffering and pain everywhere.
And nobody cares, everyone is behind the curtain.

I wish I could die.
I wish I was dead.
I don't want to live.
I hate life.
I hate it to the core.

Molly joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 11 minutes later[^] [v] #0

My heart is breaking for you.

What are you wanting/needing from this letter being viewed by us?

Molly double-posted this 5 years ago, 12 minutes later, 24 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ill take steak and wine with your "pity" comment.

Marc,

I suspect you do not want to be alone in this. You don't have to deal with this alone. To have one person care can help pull you out of this hole. Reaching is good.
Do you have ANYONE at all in your life to hold on to until you ate stronger? A friend,family member,therapist?

WeirdKid joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 20 minutes later, 44 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

People is not shallow, maybe ignorant sometimes, maybe kind of dumb. But no one is shallow, you just have to be patient to find their real nature.

¿Do you have a pet?
Get a cat, or a dog, so you have something to live for.

Daphne joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #0

Molly what is your story? What are you doing on here :-)? What did you go through in life to make you so empathetic?

Marc (OP) replied with this 5 years ago, 13 hours later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I don't know what I wanted when I posted this, maybe I just wanted to complain and share my pain. So, I guess I can say thanks for reading.

I can't really get any help from my faimily. I wanted to go to a therapist (although I doubt that it will help), but in my country, we have a doctor's strike and that not possible right now.

Molly replied with this 5 years ago, 1 hour later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

Hi:) I am a really sensitive person. I do not ever remember not being this way. I was raised with lots of caring,but with lots of fear,intolerance,and instability as well.
Something in me gave,a year or so ago. A lot lead me to that point. I just became without shame,guilt,and fear. I still have all those things,but they do not define me. They are just there as a human experience.

I fell upon one of Dr Roberts writings,which he writes what my gut instincts has been saying all along. That is how I found the forum.

Why do I hang around here? Because accepting,and listening to others is the best thing we can do for each other.

Doesn't it feel good?

What's your story? You seem like an empathetic person as well.

Anonymous A joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 16 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> Because accepting,and listening to others is the best thing we can do for each other.

Yes. Being seen, heard, and understood is a very deep desire, and a healing experience for almost everyone.

Thanks, Molly.

Molly replied with this 5 years ago, 17 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

Yes. When we listen,and truly see others,we are listening and truly seeing ourselves.

When we deny others,we deny ourselves love and respect.

(Edited 42 seconds later.)

Daphne replied with this 5 years ago, 55 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I've suffered a lot with guilt, I did something regrettable when I was about 9 and have recently found myself thinking about it all, making me feel miserable and suicidal all over again. I'm empathetic because I know that our actions don't define us and I don't want to see others suffer as I have. It feels natural to me to try and help others, being human comes with much pain in my experience.

Molly joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 hour later, 18 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> I'm empathetic because I know that our actions don't define us.

You have to know that,that girl you are denying.The 9 year old you is wondering why you do not turn inward and see her.Why is she not worthy of the empathy you so freely give out?

I know you probably,like me was taught that we need to do certain things to be a 'good' person,or a 'right' way to be,but this was all ignorance bestowed on us. You will always make mistakes,cause suffering,be stuck in suffering..But you also cause happiness in others,joy,and make people feel love.You'll always make what you perceive 'wrong' choices,and sometimes you'll make the choices that feel 'right'. You are all of it,and can't ever be the stupid human mind perception of 'perfect'.:)

Only the false belief/ideas that we can actually divide the 'bad' from 'good' is what causes unnecessary suffering. And isn't life full of enough suffering? To accept ALL of life means accepting you can't ever divide all the perceived 'bad' you cause. AND it means we can't ever get away from suffering. The more we try to run from it,the more we suffer. That blows right? :) To accept life is to accept suffering. To not be afraid of suffering,or even to be afraid of fear itself,IS what causes a strong individual,and gives one peace in their heart.

I,like every single other human,make what we feel as a 'bad' judgment. I immediately feel what needs to be felt,whether its remorse,guilt,and forgive myself right away. If I were to wish I was 'better',or try to be better,IS NOT accepting life,and life (we are life experiencing in our human limitations) can't be divided in categories.The more we try,the more of this hamster wheel we stay on.

Pretty/ugly,bad/good,rich/poor,smart/dumb,etc. Only the ego(mind) does this separation.It probably was an evolutionary advantage for our species to survive,BUT it's not some form of realty/truth.It's just OUR personal limitation of our species. This is why psychology,and the study of human evolution is very important to get people to see how easily we can get stuck in a haunted house perception,thinking it is real.


Does that make sense?

Molly double-posted this 5 years ago, 9 minutes later, 19 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> I don't feel sorry for anyone here. My heart breaks for no one. It's a cruel world, get used to it, because it doesn't get any better.
> And I don't waste my time on guilt either because no one feels guilty for what they do to me. That's life.


I suspect no one ever showed you these things on your list here. These things are important to have you know? People should have showed you kindness and remorse,because you are worth it. You are just as worthy as any other living thing. xxx

Molly replied with this 5 years ago, 30 minutes later, 19 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

I get it. I guess not everyone needs to feel connected with others.

Daphne replied with this 5 years ago, 2 hours later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Molly that was a lovely message. Thank you so much. Xx

Molly replied with this 5 years ago, 26 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Xxx=)

Daphne replied with this 5 years ago, 25 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ok whatever we get it, your angry at life, blah blah, but really I'm not in the mood to be insulted.

Daphne double-posted this 5 years ago, 5 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Jakers, who's whining about mistreatment?

Daphne triple-posted this 5 years ago, 5 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Are you one of the site managers or something?

Daphne quadruple-posted this 5 years ago, 2 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I don't take kindly to being called a wimp. He knows nothing about me. And I'M in the wrong?

Daphne quintuple-posted this 5 years ago, 8 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

No, and your not my problem. If you wanna share some s**t here on the site then do, otherwise I don't really understand why you're here?

Daphne sextuple-posted this 5 years ago, 3 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

It's ok Jakers, thank you :-)

Daphne septuple-posted this 5 years ago, 2 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I don't care. I'm watching telly now.
:
[upload]

You are required to fill in a captcha for your first 10 posts. That's only 10 more! We apologize, but this helps stop spam.

Please familiarise yourself with the rules and markup syntax before posting, also keep in mind you can minify URLs using MiniURL and generate image macros using MiniMacro.