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Topic: Cassandra

Molly started this discussion 4.7 years ago #2,739

What's been swirling in your head lately?

Cassandra joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 6 minutes later[^] [v] #0

Oh, my therapy ended suddenly and traumatically for me. That was about 2 weeks ago.
Ben exploited an opportunity to make me feel like I was ending therapy, but he actually officially ended it.
I was like, wtf?, turned around, and he had locked all the doors.
So now I'm holding all these feelings about that.
He was incredibly unprofessional.
He took me and my issues very personally, he was hurt, offended, angry and he cut me off.
I don't have time for the details 'cause I'm about to go out, but thank you for asking.

Wow. There's no edit button, and I'm on an Ipad, which are hard to type on. Wah. I'm a compulsive editor.
There is an edit button! It's back!

(Edited 33 seconds later.)

Molly joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 10 minutes later, 16 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

Im a compulsive editor as well(we'll talk about this in another discussion on what that really means;))

Whoa Whoa Whoa.WTH?

When you have time,write out what that is doing to you.. Are you getting support from anyone,etc. I love you! I cant believe thats what you have been going through.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 34 minutes later, 51 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thank you, Molly!
I don't have time for the details but I do have time for what it's doing to me...
I feel hurt, angry, betrayed, stupid, confused, understanding (of Ben)
I feel like I could see lots of things in Ben that he couldn't see.
I saw a long time ago that he took me personally, and told him.
I kept asking him if he wanted to end my therapy, and he'd take time to figure out what I might be picking up from him (that HE wasn't picking up from him) and reassure me that he didn't. And then he did.
I saw lots of unconscious stuff in him.
I have evidence now that a lot of what I saw was on-target.

Lately I've been doing well, but I had a brooding day today, maybe because the sun didn't show it's ugly face all day!

Shh joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 1 hour later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ohh Cass, I'm sorry that things came to such a horrible end with Ben, it sounds very harsh!
Are you seeing anyone else?

I hope you will come back on here more often than you have done of late, I miss reading your insights!

Molly replied with this 4.7 years ago, 2 hours later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

Sometimes I wonder if you need a woman therapist. What do you think about that? You know..speaking from my heart, in the letting go of ALL limitations you seem to have done so it seems from this forum.Peeling away all the beliefs you thought were true. Like,the belief you are not good enough in almost every aspect a woman has to deal with. You seem to get that they were all piled on you..on all of us girls from the day we were born.Do you get that now? You know what you were taught as a kid/teen was their nightmare bestowed on you.You know how to observe that thought process in your mind,KNOWING you were conditioned that way BUT AREN'T THAT WAY.You know how to recognize it,but there is something missing..Sensitivity..Woman seem to have sensitivity come effortlessly then what a man can offer. So...and I could be wrong.I could be just grouping you in with my journey,but its food for thought...

A caring woman to show you what you are as well,and to not be afraid of it. To show you to not be afraid to feel deeply.To be sensitive with someone,and know it was also your birth right. The part of you that was pushed down by many feet(metaphorically speaking). I almost feel like this could be something for you to consider. To let a caring,sensitive woman in your life to tear away that part in you that might still be timid. I would love to see you get to experience how it feels for that part of you to be free. THIS is,imo,the biggest,most hated thing from man AND woman in themselves.(Men can be just as sensitive,but you see what we do to our young boys in almost all cultures? They are VERY suppressed. I am raising two boys.They didn't come out macho.They for sure have it harder in this department.People DO NOT like a boy to be sensitive,and that's a big mistake.)

This is why we do not give out our care.We hold it in,deeply ashamed of it. In return,we are denying our self sensitivity. What do you need the most? What did you need Ben to be?

Does any of this resonate with you?

Sifter joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 3 hours later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I'm sorry Cass, this really sucks. I feel optimistic for you in that now you are OUT of something that was stuck, but it hurts a lot, I know. You put so much effort in there.

Molly (OP) replied with this 4.7 years ago, 11 hours later, 19 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I imagine Cass going out with some hot guy last night.Rolling around naked,sleeping in,and the forum not remotely being on her mind. Haha. Or maybe that's my fantasy for me..whatever. ;)

Anyway Cass,I'm leaving to cabin with no Internet. Wont be on till monday .I hope to hear from you as soon as you shower.;)

See you soon forum friends! Xoxo

(Edited 50 seconds later.)

WonderfulClient joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 34 minutes later, 19 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
We should implement a like button on the forum.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 14 minutes later, 20 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I was doing improv, just as good!

Molly, as usual, I found a lot that is true for me in your post and a lot to think about.
The idea of seeing another therapist feels really bad right now...if that ever changes I might see a woman.
Even if I don't ever see another therapist, there's a lot of work to do that you bring up in your post.

Sifter, ironically, I figured out why I was stuck, and was excited to talk about it with Ben, and turn a corner with him (hopefully) but his door was locked. I am sad, sad, sad. Heartbroken.

Ben reassured me (even the week before he dumped me) that he wanted to continue being my therapist.
A few months ago I made him promise that he would call me if he wanted to end my therapy.
I told him, "I don't want to walk in here, put down $120, and then have you traumatize me by suddenly ending my therapy."
I thought I was being paranoid.
He promised.
And then he did that.

Cassandra double-posted this 4.7 years ago, 1 hour later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Then what's mine? Well, what WAS mine?

Molly (OP) replied with this 4.7 years ago, 1 hour later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

I just can't imagine that he locked you out. Did you threaten him or something? If you didn't have a gun,then he must be the biggest baby therapist ever.

This just goes to show your intuition was/is worth listening to.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 21 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

No, I didn't threaten him.
I can send you the story (already wrote it out a while ago) in an email if you want.
I don't feel like telling it here.

Molly replied with this 4.7 years ago, 13 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Hey,Helen has my email address. Helen,if you are reading this will you email it to Cass?Thanks!

(Edited 8 minutes later.)

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 10 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Edit button is gone again.
I meant figuratively locked me out.

Mary joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 2 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #0

Hi Cassandra, just wanted to say I'm so, so sorry your therapy with Ben ended like this. I have a good idea what you might be thinking and feeling. It sucks.... just know that you're ok, you're good enough, worthy enough....you know you are, regardless of the possible unmanaged feelings on Ben's part.

I don't know exactly what the circumstances were that brough it about but can say that sometimes there can be more clarity as time goes on and possibly more info. or feelings are put forth if there were ever contact again.

You seem so bright and insightful regarding other's motives, intentions, and feelings. Trust what you feel was the cause of your therapy outcome.
You probably already know if he didn't share it with you.

If he gave a reason for ending your therapy, did you agree with it at all? Sorry he didn't keep his promises.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 16 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #0

unmanaged feelings on Ben's part.

That's the reason. I'm not pretending anymore. He doesn't know himself well and believes his own bullshit.
No more trying to figure out a therapist who I can read better than he can.

Thanks, Mary.

Mary replied with this 4.7 years ago, 15 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #0

I'm glad to detect some anger towards him in your reply Cassandra. I think feeling those anger feelings are important and healthy. It's not buried so deeply beneath grief.

Your early and clear insight of the outcome I hope will prevent the loss from going too deep. I remember you having supportive people in your life when you were last posting. They know who you are and I'm sure care about you, let them be there for you.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 3 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #0

Detect 'some'? I'd like to fuckin' wring his neck.
My anger is never buried under anything.

Cassandra double-posted this 4.7 years ago, 32 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #0

I wouldn't call it a "therapy outcome", more like a Dump and Run; there was nothing therapeutic about it. He was no longer behaving like a therapist, he was just a person who had a lot of negative feelings towards me and because of those feelings abruptly pushed me away.
The End.

Anonymous A joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 1 day later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I am sorry to hear that Cass.
When you say he locked the door, do you mean figuratively or literally?
Did he mention a referral?

Daisy double-posted this 4.7 years ago, 29 seconds later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Daisy by the way, Cass.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 9 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Figuratively.
I wouldn't take a referral from someone who behaved this badly, and I'm done putting trust in a stranger.

Daisy replied with this 4.7 years ago, 4 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I'm sorry. Have you been able to see the other guy that you know through improv? I can't remember his therapy style. He sounded like a decent, balanced person. Would he be good to discuss it with?
You did have strong instincts about Ben so you definitely had him figured out over the last few months. I think that time where he was away for a while really crystallized things for you. He couldn't handle being seen for what he was, I guess.

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

Mary replied with this 4.7 years ago, 6 hours later, 3 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

It baffles me that the parts(behaviors?) of us that people/therapists can feel so negatively toward are not recognized as a result of some form of past abandonment. It's a vicious cycle, because the residual effects are what we are seeking relief from and it is also what ultimately allows them to also abandon us and retraumatize us.

In my eyes, an intelligent, skilled, and thoughtful person would not allow that to happen. Cetainly not if they have gained our trust and are being paid to provide the opposite. Not that anything goes at any cost, but a realization that there are going to be some long, rough patches that will need to be tolerated and hurdled by both of us in order to get us to the place we are looking for.

When it happened to me, I read everything I could about abrupt therapy terminations and how they influenced the client. Abrupt endings just about always retraumatize them and hinder them from seeking therapy with a new therapist whether because of unanswered ?'s, disillusionment, lack of trust, shock, or lack of belief that they are deserving of, or capable of, being helped again.

One hour(50 mins. usually), once a week or even once every two weeks. I would think that without physical threats, etc.... anything else could be tolerated by a therapist. When a patient is acting out or being verbally abusive towards the therapist, it doesn't always mean that "the therapy is hurting the patient" and that they should refer. And if a therapist could understand, really understand the origins of the behaviors, they would not get to the point of taking it personally, feeling negatively toward the client and then terminating in the name of it "being better for the client".

I'm sure some clients are easier to deal with, more of a delight to be around at times and can more often leave the therapist feeling effective. But for the hard to reach clients, the road to happiness is way rougher and with way more peaks and valleys. If these clients are willing to try to tolerate their feelings, thoughts and behaviors on a daily basis, 24 hrs. a day, seven days a week, then a paid therapist should cetainly be willing to do their part just 50 minutes a week, possible every two weeks.

I know many therapists are very willing to go the extra mile and are therefore of great help to the clients that may need it most. I just get so angry and disappointed that there are also many clients that are dismissed abruptly and traumatically. My heart bleeds for them.

Cassandra replied with this 4.7 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Yes, Daisy, I still see Chris and that helps. He's smarter than Ben, and that feels good.

Mary, that is fantastically written, and I couldn't agree more.
And while we're at it, here's what a friend wrote to me:

"I am so, so sorry.  You have not been handled with care.  He's really not qualified to be working with you.  He's not smart enough, he's not learned enough, and his unconscious and emotions are running amok in your sessions in ways that are so unprofessional.  His abrupt assumptions and lack of critical distance are so damaging and it's like he's not even aware of this acting out on his part!  I think he's the sort of person that does therapy so he can feel like a savior and when that doesn't happen, when he doesn't get a reliable ego boost from his "amazing powers to understand and love and heal" then he starts acting in ways to get rid of those that don't fulfill that unconscious expectation that he harbors."

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

H joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 1 day later, 4 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Cass,I am so sorry you have been through this crap with Ben.

A good therapist will never let his own shit get in the way of therapy... Will be accepting of the client... Will welcome some anger etc as a way of helping the client explore her issues... Will just be the safe, respecting, empowering person that we need.

Sadly, too many therapists don't have good enough supervison, self-awareness, or even self-acceptance to do this. But it's the clients that get hurt.

Am glad you're still seeing Chris, and I wish you all the best for the future.

Molly (OP) replied with this 4.7 years ago, 34 minutes later, 4 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

There are not enough therapist described like this (Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.). :(

Cass,I hope you are enjoying your day in your little nook in the world.

Today for me,it is sunny,tx heat is no more,boys upstairs playing imagination using Pokemon,baby is hanging on my leg with her beloved marker,watching Dora. Todays a pretty damn good day.I heart you.

Tonya joined in and replied with this 4.7 years ago, 6 hours later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

sorry I am so late but I just saw this. Wow I am so sorry!!!1
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[upload]

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