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Topic: can't go on

HelpMePlease started this discussion 5.3 years ago #2,612

Can't do this anymore ('re: normal childhood exploration or abuse?) I get married Friday and should be busy preparing but spent 2 days in bed freaking out.

Can't do it anymore

Molly joined in and replied with this 5.3 years ago, 1 hour later[^] [v] #0

Can you make an appointment with your therapist today?

dr-robert joined in and replied with this 5.3 years ago, 8 hours later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Look, this cannot be settled by freaking out in bed. Get up, do the prep, and get married. I would bet that there is nothing wrong with you at all. In any case, you can deal with it later. Now is the time to say your vows, have the best time you can at the wedding, and get on with the art of living.

Does that help?

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 7 hours later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Dr Robert my problem is in the post Normal childhood exploration or abuse? Please please comment :(

Thank you.

HelpMePlease (OP) double-posted this 5.3 years ago, 5 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

In short....if I was 11 and turned on and wanted to hug/have a 3 year old close to me....is that normal or abusing the age gap for kicks? Mixed with the fact around that age or slightly younger I used to 'hump' and kiss alifesize doll that was the size of a 3 year old.

Arghhhh.

Jasper joined in and replied with this 5.3 years ago, 4 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

I know what your going through, not exactley your circumstances but i know the feeling of curling up in bed "freaking" out.... You cant expect dr.roberts words to be the word of "god" i know your asking him personaly because you beleive his opinion will matter most and what he say's will put your mind at ease but it simply wont, it will for a minute but its "your" brain that is telling you these things... You need to have "your" head tell you these things you wish to here from other people...i dont mean to discredit the doctor but i know where your coming from and anyone elses opinions wont matter in the end... Youve already gotten responses telling you you are fine, move on but thats not all it takes....

Jasper double-posted this 5.3 years ago, 2 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

At the time you didnt know about age dynamics and what "abuse" really was... Your judgment wasnt necessarily out of line... You are human, you have a natural instinct to feel "pleasure"... I did stuf when i was 14 maybe 15 years of age...

Jasper triple-posted this 5.3 years ago, 4 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

You are looking back, Hindsight is always 20/20, the fact that you are a "normal" functioning human being and can have healthy relationships should be evidence enough to show you everything is ok

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 39 minutes later, 18 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thank you Jasper. I know deep down you are right.

After all, therapy cannot be done over the net. I can't be analysed over the net. All people have to go on are a couple of instances.

I'll try to concentrate on my wedding x

HelpMePlease (OP) double-posted this 5.3 years ago, 2 minutes later, 18 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

However.... I was devious enough to make up a game so she would tickle me (only my hands) so that worries me that I knew I had more power to control. I also knew that was wrong and hoped I wouldn't get found out.

HelpMePlease (OP) triple-posted this 5.3 years ago, 3 hours later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

:( omg head spin.

HelpMePlease (OP) quadruple-posted this 5.3 years ago, 1 minute later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> However.... I was devious enough to make up a game so she would tickle me (only my hands) so that worries me that I knew I had more power to control. I also knew that was wrong and hoped I wouldn't get found out.

To me this changes everything. I was devious.

HelpMePlease (OP) quintuple-posted this 5.3 years ago, 5 minutes later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

But then friends my own age and I used to play that tickle game where u draw on each other's backs and guess the picture. We would always pretend we couldn't guess so we'd get more. Maybe is the same thing. I just liked being tickled. Hair, back, hands.

But as far as I know I only got the 3 year old to touch my hands and the memory of wanting her close on her bed but dunno why.

My Dr said all this was just child's play. Even if I was turned on. But the 11 and 3 ages is an uncomfortable gap!!

Anyone??!

dr-robert replied with this 5.3 years ago, 1 hour later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

You said it yourself. I cannot analyze this on a webpage. That kind of work takes two people sitting alone in a room with trust between them.

In general though, it does not matter at all what happened when you were 11 years old. That was long ago. You are not the same person now as you were then. I strongly urge you to stop obsessing on your sexuality, and just get on with living your life in the present.

I hope this will help.

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 15 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thank you. I have obsessed over other things.

Like accidentally holding up an ambulance for a few seconds, hiv, near miss car accidents.

I guess Molly was spot on.
Saying it's me not letting myself be happy rather than the specific worry x

Molly joined in and replied with this 5.3 years ago, 1 day later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

GOOD LUCK TODAY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY! ENJOY THE LOVE ALL AROUND YOU!!!!! XOXOXOXOX

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 3 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thanks Molly

Why have some.of yours and jakes posts disappeared on this and my other thread? Xxx

Molly replied with this 5.3 years ago, 21 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

I'm not sure. I know a lot of name stealing/trolling goes on here every now and then. Our comments may have been accidentally deleted. Thinking of you today. Xxxx

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 24 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ah. Made me worry. Don't know why lol.

Had a great day. Now a Mrs! Xxx

HelpMePlease (OP) double-posted this 5.3 years ago, 23 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

You only made one comment on here didnt you?
Before today I mean xxx

HelpMePlease (OP) triple-posted this 5.3 years ago, 34 seconds later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

You only made one comment on here didnt you?
Before today I mean xxx

Molly replied with this 5.3 years ago, 3 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Yes. You and I wrote each other more on another one of your post. How was your mind today? Did you stay in the moments for the most part?

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 4 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Cool

Was hard but I did it. Was happy as could be.

In airport hotel now ahead of our honeymoon tomorrow.

Thank you for all your help. Xxx

Molly replied with this 5.3 years ago, 5 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Wow!!! You lucky woman. Try to remember the difference between what's going on in the MOMENT and what's going on in your mind full of irrational fears..the 'what if' thoughts. When they pop up,call them out.Say," There's my irrational thought/feat again." This helps you deferentiate what's real,and whats not. Xxxx

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 6 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

And all those things we talked about are either irrational and not real or just normal stuff. Right? Xxx

HelpMePlease (OP) double-posted this 5.3 years ago, 42 seconds later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

And all those things we talked about are either irrational and not real or just normal stuff. Right? Xxx

Molly replied with this 5.3 years ago, 18 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

All your thoughts you have put on this forum are all irrational fearful thoughts. If you hold onto the past,replaying,and hoping it was different is a fear that doesn't help you. It's irrational thinking.

None of those things you did were even remotely devious in the first place. It's a human reaction to feel sensual. But again,this is about your fears and not an actual event. Especially since the event is so old in the mind. Your mind can't recall exactly,do it fills things in,making them up.

HelpMePlease (OP) replied with this 5.3 years ago, 10 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thank you molly. So much xxx I'm beginning to see this today

Molly replied with this 5.3 years ago, 16 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

Great! You deserve this. You deserve a peaceful mind.

Jasper replied with this 5.3 years ago, 52 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Im happy you have found light... Its a liberating feeling
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