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Topic: Dr. Robert: A serious dilemma yourself or others could help me with.

rbacon started this discussion 5.3 years ago #2,596

I was hoping Dr. Robert or anyone else could advise me on a problem I've struggled with most of my life and any input would be appreciated.

Except for a few casual flings, I've never really had an intimate relationship with anyone. The reason is that when I was younger I experimented with a childhood friend and his sister. I was 4 and 6 years older, respectively.

Though I'm still bothered by my actions and still think of them and wonder how they turned out to this day, I've been able to cope far better throughout the years due to vigorous self study and really understanding why I do the things that I do and how to act like a decent human being. Sounds good, right? Well, not really.

The problem is ever since then, I've become TOO concerned with others feelings and how my actions may affect them. So as a result I become so paralyzed by fear that eventually I "snap" from time to time due to the amount of self control and perfectionism that I exercise that I break down and start acting out in risky behavior that I have no desire to be a part of in the first place.

Now, let me finally get to the point: I see a woman I like, desire her, want to approach her and then...nothing. I don't even bother. A voice(figuratively, of course) pops into my head and says "NO! You know better. Don't you dare go after what you want. Because of your actions you must be alone forever and die without any sort of love or affection. That is you punishment. Do you honestly think that if they got to really know you that they could ever love you?"

I've lived with that voice for 20 years. As you can probably imagine, this had driven me literally psychotic.

Though I've regained my sanity for the most part, I still can't kill that harsh voice inside my head that still keeps me from going after what I want without feeling like a creep. Too much self-sacrifice has become a boon to me. I know what bitterness does to a person all too well. It took me 6 years of my life to climh out of that muck and I don't want to go back down that road again.

So, Dr. Robert and others, what the hell am I supposed to do? Because I can't deal with this anymore.

dr-robert joined in and replied with this 5.3 years ago, 1 hour later[^] [v] #0

Find a good psychotherapist who will be able to help you through this by going very deeply into your sexuality with you. Your complaint here is not one which can be addressed by advice, no matter how well-intentioned.
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