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Topic: Extreme guilt over sexual experimentation as a teen with dog

Logi started this discussion 5 years ago #2,579

When i was 14 maybe a little older i use to go on top of my dog this went on for a while, and when i say on top rubbing on the skin. i never put harm on my dog, nor did i show any violence. it was at a time where i was hitting puberty and was sexually curious if i remember correctly. Also before and during i was going through hard times as a child with getting bullied and experienced sexual experimentation with a friend (male). there was also years of violence and arguments which i witnessed between my folks at home.

i feel extreme emotional guilt 8 years on and i get panic attacks. this moment in time when i look in the mirror i think "why did you do it?" i just can't come to terms of what I've done. I give to animal charity's and got a big heart for wildlife and nature. my family dog is still alive and healthy and happy. i really cant grasp my head around why i did it. i feel guilt when i'm happy and when i share happy moments with family/friends. when i date girls it's the same. that extreme guilt is embedded in my head and always there every second.

was i a stupid curious horny teen that took it too far? or am/was mentally ill? or was it a escape from the bad that was happening around me? (i have been asking myself for years and i don't know it). it's something thats been secret and building up in my head until now. as far i'm aware i'm straight and have no sexual attraction to animals. so i ask what do you think was wrong with me? is it common for teens to experiment with animals? do i have the right to live happy?

Dianne joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 17 hours later[^] [v] #0

You were just a horny teen looking for experimentation.... The only way to deal with guilt is to forgive yourself. We all have some secrets that we tuck away. When you get to my age, all those crazy things seem pointless in the larger scale of life and living. We also change as we experience life, meaning we are not as narcissistic as we were as kids and teens. So tuck it away and laugh at yourself...

Ailonna joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 9 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

why does this shit keep popping up, the sexual experimentation with animals and siblings thing?
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