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Topic: Goodbye ya'll

WonderfulClient started this discussion 5.1 years ago #2,496

Thanks, Sifter, for the help these past couple weeks while no one else has seemed to care. I do appreciate it very much.
Jen, you were also starting to kind of rock.

Be well.

(Edited 5 minutes later.)

Ailonna joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 4 minutes later[^] [v] #0

where you going?

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 minute later, 6 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ya'll? Really ya'll are you kidding me? Goodbye eveyone.
I'll miss some of you? ROTFLMAO
I will miss some of you.

(Edited 51 seconds later.)

Ailonna replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 minute later, 8 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

i wish i knew what was going on.....

Sherry replied with this 5.1 years ago, 34 seconds later, 8 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> i wish i knew what was going on.....

Now what would be the fun in that?

Jennifer joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 minute later, 10 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

WC, I'm calling defense mechanism on you! Not because I think its really a big deal defense mechanism or anything but because I don't want you to leave over being annoyed with someone. So... DEFENSE MECHANISM! Running away!
*pointing finger at WC*

(Edited 33 seconds later.)

H joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 minute later, 11 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

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Partly I think... been there, done that myself, remember?!

Also - sounds as though you're feeling a bit lonely and hurt, WT?

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 6 minutes later, 17 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

If only you coulda left your therapists wifes group so easily.....

H replied with this 5.1 years ago, 22 seconds later, 18 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

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ROFL!!!

Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 26 seconds later, 18 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

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> If only you coulda left your therapists wifes group so easily.....

LOL

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 55 seconds later, 19 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Don't laugh. It's not funny. I'm just tryin to get a reaction outta her to see if she really left. Or to get her to fight with me. You ruined it by laughing, which is kinda cruel don't you think?

(Edited 1 minute later.)

Gina joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 9 minutes later, 29 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

awe :( dont go!

H replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 minutes later, 31 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I'm not meaning it cruelly, I see the irony and find that funny, but it's sad too. it's always sad when someone's in pain and can't find their way out of it. I should know. But if I were WT and you made that comment, I would have responded the same way - so no offence meant.

Sifter joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 5 hours later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Wonderful, I'm sorry to read this. I understand feeling the need to get away. And I hope you will stay open to changing your mind at any stage. This is in some respects a safe and easy place to let it all hang out, to try out different ways of doing things. If there's difficult stuff you need to say, you can say it.

Sifter double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 3 hours later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Also, I'd miss you. :(

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 5 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

....

(Edited 8 minutes later.)

Jennifer double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 6 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

You know, it's not as fun saying stuff like that when I don't get a reaction....

Sally joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 8 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

*Gasps at Jen* there, Lol. :P

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
jeez, I didn't even see it. give us a chance to react!

Sally replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Lol Sifter, hi :) *shakes hand* I'm new here, nice to meet you, virtually ofcourse :p

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 7 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

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Hi Sally, welcome! Hope you like the circus. :)

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 5 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

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> jeez, I didn't even see it. give us a chance to react!

Who is this "us" you speak of?

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
it's related to the Royal We but not as classy.

Sally replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Hey Sifter and Jen :) Thankyou! And i must say, that THIS.. is the best circus I've ever been to :D Roll Up! Roll Up! Lol. I'm a child in woman's body and proud :P

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 seconds later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
The Royal Wii?

Jennifer double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 2 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Sifter, can I whine a minute? Yeah? Ok, good. Thanks. I really wanna go into a hospital. I'm losing it. But if I do I screw up school like last time I went in the hospital. I keep thinking I can get through one more day but every day feels like it adds more and more weight. I think it would be easier to die then have to carry so much weight. Ok, end of my whine. Thanks.

Sally replied with this 5.1 years ago, 16 seconds later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ooh Jennifer, I also posted on your "sex" thread :)

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 9 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Yeah I saw that. Thanks.

Daisy joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 second later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

What is up with everyone lately? I just tuned in and see arguments all over threads between people who I never noticed did any arguing. Try and remember there has been a lot of support given back and forth for many months between each other. I get sometimes anger has to be worked out; but, hopefully it is in an attempt to get back to a good supportive place. WC it will be sad for you to go. Helen you are missed too...and Cass who I haven't seen much on here. I guess if this is the case, thanks all for the help you each have given me. I will miss it and hope that at some point I was helpful in some small way to you. I probably won't come on here anymore either if so many kind people are leaving. This is sad. It was a real lifeline for me, and was a big help with a recent conversation with M.

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

Jennifer replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 minute later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

They aren't leaving for good. Just taking a break. Focusing on themselves for a few, which is a good thing in my opinion.

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
:( Oh Jen. I didn't know it was so rough at the moment. Make another thread and have a proper whine? I want to know what it is that's weighing so hard on you, and how you're getting through the days, and what the alternatives look like from here. Are you eating and sleeping and stuff?

Sifter double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 5 days later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

Hey Wonderful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVLhR0OAW_A

WonderfulClient joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 10 hours later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Aww Sifter you're so sweet! I love those sand art things.
I like the fact that I actually have had time to get my work done lately because I'm not spending all day posting on here, but I miss you guys :(
I see Scott on Tuesday and I don't know if we're ending therapy then or not.

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 18 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Well, miss you too but glad you are making productive with the time. :) Let us know how it goes on Tuesday?

utty joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Hey WC I am new here. I hope I get a chance to know you.

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 5 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Thanks Sifter. I'll let you know how it goes.

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Hey utty... I'm here on and off... just more off than on these days...

utty replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Heya WC well It's good to keep busy huh? Hope to run into you more.

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 day later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Hey Sifter...
I don't know what to say about my session tonight... still gathering my thoughts.
I'm so busy and behind with school that I'm just trying not to think about Scott/school.
What I can say for now is...

I walked in and laid down. He asked me how my feelings for him has changed. I asked why he thought they would. He said he felt they would based on our last session. I told him they haven't really changed.

I closed my eyes for a good five minutes. He said "what are you doing?" I said I wasn't doing anything. He said "Yes. Exactly. Why not?" I said I didn't know what I was supposed to do.. I was tired..

I think we said a couple words, then I went to sleep. I slept for 10-15 minutes and he said something along the lines of "I think you're clearly sending us a message". I told him I didn't hear what he said and he said "well, yes, you were sleeping", then he repeated it.

He talked a little bit about how I really have to think about what I want to do in there. About how I'm not doing anything right now. It all sounded quite mean to me, to be honest. He said it all quite nicely, but I kept getting this feeling of "why is he telling me what I have to do in here? If I want to do the wrong thing, I don't need him to keep telling me it's wrong". I don't know. His intentions were good, and he communicated it all nicely, but I just keep feeling now that I'm not good enough in there (and I'm not - I don't do any of the things he wants (i.e. actually talk about my problems/feelings/concerns) - but I don't want to feel bad for that)
He talked a lot about how I was using him for functions. I told him how I felt safe, comfortable sleeping with him - why he asked - because I'm near him and I get comfort from being near him. He started talking about how I Was using him for the wrong things. His job isn't to give me safety, or security, or sex. I'm not letting him be a therapist if I'm taking all these other things from him.

At that point about 3/4 of our session was through. I tried to start talking myself (as opposed to just yes/no/I don't know answers to whatever he asks which is what I've been doing for weeks/months now) and I told him how my feelings have gotten less intense - the crushing feeling of needing to be held by him wasn't as bad in that moment as it usually is in that room.
I told him someone hugged me today and I got a bit of that feeling that I want from him hugging me when I was hugging that person. I told him maybe that's why I feel I'm not needing him so much. So we talked about this person (someone I've recently met, really attracted to, trying not to cheat with him) and I feel like we got some good work done there. It's one of the few things I feel ashamed talking to Scott about because I know very well how opposed he and his wife are both to cheating. So, sure, as a therapist he may be accepting of whatever I have to say (I asked him if it would be wrong for me to have sex with this guy and he said he can't answer that, he won't tell me who I should have sex with) but I know very well that he feels very very strongly against this as a person and I feel ashamed of admitting those urges to him (and especially admitting that I'm considering it).
But he's still telling me (in much nicer words) that it's not enough. That I'm telling him about these things but not about my feelings about them. That I'm not letting us do real work, to understand the root of these problems, why I feel this way, and that's how I can change it. He said maybe I don't want to change it? And kinda left it there... implying that I really have to think about whether I want anything from therapy, or if I'm just going to sit there and talk about these things in a superficial manner that doesn't help understand them.

(Edited 1 minute later.)

Tonya joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 42 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

so have u decided what you are going to do.. if you are going to keep going to him?

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Are you scared that if you solve your problems you'll lose him?

Tonya replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

ooo thats good...

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> so have u decided what you are going to do.. if you are going to keep going to him?
For now, I think so.
I'm not letting myself go more often than every other week, even though right after my session for 2-3 days I DESPERATELY want to see him again.
By the time my next session comes around, two weeks later, I don't feel as crazy obsessed with him, and I feel as though I'm capable of coping without him.
But then I see him again, and I go back to being obsessed for a few days.

I don't think I'm going to get anywhere if I keep doing it every other week. Well, I suppose it will help me cope (just keep going day to day and not kill myself), but it won't give me the type of things I'm supposed to get out of therapy. Only if I were to go see Scott now, 3 hours after our appointment, would we get good work done. Two weeks later I don't feel emotional about what we talked about and we have to start right from the start.
What I wish I could od is like 2-3 weeks of INTENSIVE therapy. Like - every day, two hours a day. I would love to go over everything. To just bawl my eyes out. Think about it, come back the next day and talk about it. THAT, I think, would be helpful in solving the real problems I need therapy for.
But I don't have the money and I don't have the time, so I will continue going every other week and just use it as a method of coping/keeping me from killing myself.
It just sucks that it consumes a lot of my time (thinking about him) for 2-3 days after I see him (it's a real distraction to my school work), but I think it's worth it to keep myself as sane as I possibly can be during this process.

(Edited 47 seconds later.)

WonderfulClient double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 4 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> Are you scared that if you solve your problems you'll lose him?
That's really interesting. I feel like maybe there's a bit of that going on subconsciously, but I really think the strongest thing stopping me is the fact that I don't feel there is a way to "solve" my problems. I don't think there's a solution. I don't think there's a cure. I don't think I'll ever feel better in the long-term.

Also, my biggest issue (consciously) is that I don't have the time to solve my problems, I just want to find the most efficient method of coping with them.
I think that's a big reason why I slept in session today - I don't want to talk about anything that will upset me/consume my time/mental energy once I get home.

I hate that Scott has not once asked how law school is going. It's not unusual - he never asks questions like that (he just asks what my thoughts are), but I just wish he would ask me so I have a reason to talk to someone about it and cry about it and not feel so depressed about it :(

(Edited 27 seconds later.)

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 14 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Or you could just talk about it because you want to talk about it.

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 16 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> Or you could just talk about it because you want to talk about it.
Yeah, but for some reason, I just don't do it.
It controls my entire life when I'm not in that room (I've literally been sobbing for the past hour because I am so unbelievably tired and can't focus on my readings for tomorrow and will likely be the only one in my class that hasn't done the readings for tomorrow, but my fiancee told me to just stop and come to bed - I think that's a good idea - even though tomorrow I will feel even more upset because I will be even more behind).
But once I'm in that room, I completely forget that there's this huge thing going on in my life that makes me miserable, so I don't talk about it.

I am thinking about calling his office tomorrow and asking to talk to him and just telling him that I need to talk about law school next time and to please remind me of that. Is that stupid? It sounds stupid to call just to say "please make me talk about this" (especially since he never decides what to talk about) but I need an extra push to talk about it when I'm there.

WonderfulClient double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 2 days later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Just cancelled my next session with Scott. By the time I get to my next one (October 30th), I'll probably feel so little for him that I won't have a problem cancelling it.
I think I'm ready to be done with it, even though I think I'm at my lowest since I've started seeing him.
He won't call this time. I just cancelled one session, not all of them (like I did last time).

(Edited 13 seconds later.)

Mekay joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 3 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
We haven't talked for awhile. I see N Monday though.. it should be our last session.
The more we are apart I feel less and less. I can totally relate.

I called him last week to let him know it will be. The most I can see happening
is a couple more sessions to end.

It seems like we are going through the same thing as usual.
I just wanted you to know youre not alone.

I feel that melancholy feeling as well.

(Edited 27 seconds later.)

Ailonna replied with this 5.1 years ago, 9 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

^__^!!!

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 days later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Thanks Mekay. It seems we're very often in the same place with our therapy. Not surprising since we deal with some similar issues, have been seeing them for the same amount of time, etc.

I know I have things to work on, and I know that Scott is capable of helping me with those things, but I'm simply not letting him. I'm trying to, but once I'm in that room, I forget all those things I need to work on exist. I don't think I will benefit from seeing him right now, considering where I am with all this.

The melancholy is there. That's the depression.
But my obsession with him is going down more and more. I haven't looked into his personal life once in over a month noww. I miss knowing what's going on with him and I feel much more disconnected from him. This makes me sad, but it's a good thing. Most of the obsession is gone.
That's a big part of why seeing him was so hard - knowing what was going on in his personal life made me feel very close to him in between our sessions - and then I would walk into that room and realize I wasn't close to him at all. I would want a hug and some sort of reassurance that we were close and he wouldn't give it to me. I would get depressed in that room and for the next few days, until I went online and looked into his life and found things that gave me that feeling of closeness to him again.
Now I'm at a point that I don't feel that connection/closeness any more in between sessions - which I miss - but that connection caused me pain when I would walk into our sessions/leave our sessions and realize it wasn't real.
I think it will be more real if/when I see him now because I won't be lost in this fantasy-land of feeling close to him in between sessions.

The caring for him is no doubt still there - I think it always will be, recognizing how much I know about his personal life which has let me to see that, objectively, he's a very good person - but the sexual feelings have decreased a lot (still there, but not much more than for any other man I'm attracted to), and I'm not lost in fantasy land of feeling totally in love with him.
I want him to care about me very much - and this is transference, wanting my father to care about me, but other than that, I feel caring for him in the same way as I would for any other man that I find to be a very good person.

(Edited 1 minute later.)

WonderfulClient double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 53 seconds later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I know it's possible to work through this with him, but I really don't have the time right now.
It's not the 1 hour every two weeks that takes up that much time, but it's the fact that I cannot focus on getting any school work done the day I see him/the day after I see him, and right now, I really can't give up 2 days every 2 weeks.

I do want to see him, I do want to work on whatever the hell it is that gives me this melancholy/lack of focus, but I don't want to dive into something I can't handle right now.
I will see him over the holidays, because at that point I will have the time/energy/ability to deal with whatever comes up in there.
Right now I don't talk about anything in there because I don't want to bring up something that will take up too much of my mental energy.
I haven't cancelled my appointments with him, just doing it one at a time. It's possible I will cancel all my appointments with him, one at a time, until the holidays, but I will keep the sessions I had scheduled over the holidays.
I am forcing myself to keep him in mind any time I feel really depressed and I will call him and schedule something right away if I'm feeling too suicidal (and the fact that I'm cutting back on therapy in general will mean that I won't feel too guilty spending the money to call when I do really need him).

(Edited 4 minutes later.)

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 5 hours later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
That sounds like a pretty good plan to me, Wonderful. Therapy is not easy, and not something that everyone can dive into at any time - it takes a certain readiness. I think there are ways to use it to help you build skills through stressful periods, rather than raking up old crap, but even that takes a certain readiness to handle the emotions of just going to the appointment and being there. I like that you are not taking the extreme here, but are finding a way through that you can manage day by day and week by week.

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 7 hours later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Thanks Sifter.
The argument could be made that, this being one of the most stressful times in my life, I should be in therapy more than ever. But I don't think Scott's cut out for that type of therapy. He doesn't help me cope with day to day stuff - stress, being tired, not managing my relationship/school well. I don't know if that's just our therapeutic relationship or if he's that way with all his patients. But that's what I would need right now if I were doing therapy but with him I know we would focus on all the deep childhood stuff. That's not the kind of stuff I have the mental energy to deal with right now. It isn't going to help me cope day-to-day and right now I just need to find a way to get through each day until December.
I think as long as I remind myself to go see him if I really want to kill myself I'll be ok.
Or I'll post here when I feel that way.

(Edited 32 seconds later.)

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 9 hours later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Sure - one question - have you told him that during term time you want to focus on day-to-day coping without the deep childhood stuff?

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 37 minutes later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> Sure - one question - have you told him that during term time you want to focus on day-to-day coping without the deep childhood stuff?
Nope.
I probably should, but I don't remember to do/say things like that once I'm in there.
I'm all of a sudden wanting to see him. Really bad night. I just want to lay down on his couch and cry for 50 minutes.
I have no clue what I'm doing with my life.
Either way, even if he could give me exactly what I need right now, the fact that I always spend 1-2 days obsessing about our sessions (I've always done that) is just too much time wasted right now.
I need sleep. I need to get up in 4.5 hours for school... and I still have about 6 hours of readings for my classes tomorrow. I don't get how everyone is doing it.

Sifter replied with this 5.1 years ago, 12 minutes later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I'm sorry you're under so much pressure. I'm struck by how alone you seem. Wish I could give you a hug.

Again, I endorse the plan you lay out above, but can't help but wonder if there is a way for you to get the help and support you want. I know it's so hard to accommodate the time for obsessing. I know that with G when I managed to communicate my needs and concerns he accommodated me. When I said I was freaking out about leaving in an upset state, he adjusted his style so it was less intense and more day-to-day focused. I'm wondering if Scott could help you more than you know. And I'm wondering if you wrote down what you need to say/ask before you went in, whether that would help you through the issue of not remembering. But if you need time away from him and that process, you are going about it in a way that I think is smart.

WonderfulClient replied with this 5.1 years ago, 29 minutes later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> I'm sorry you're under so much pressure. I'm struck by how alone you seem. Wish I could give you a hug.
You're so sweet, Sifter. Thank you. Yes, I do feel so alone.
My mom calls me all the time to see how I'm doing, if she can help, she hugs me whenever she sees me, but it just doesn't mean anything coming from her (that sounds mean). I think I'm just used to it from her. It doesn't help me feel less lonely.
My fiancee loves me and, though he doesn't really tell me, he's been amazing in doing absolutely everything for me since I've started law school. I know he loves me and I couldn't get better support, but I still feel so lonely.
I just want a hug from Scott. Or my father. I don't want a hug from my real father, I don't like the guy, but I just have such a desire lately to have a "father" (whatever that means) that cares about me, and will help me through all this, and that will just hug me when I feel like this and it will feel like it's all ok.
I don't know how people go through this. I knew it would be hard, I spent all summer going on and on about how hard it would be, but it's so much harder than I thought it would be.
My fiancee has been really sick for a month now (off work) and I feel so guilty that he's still doing everything for me.
Me, on the other hand, I've had a terrible cold for a week, had a root canal last week, one of my wisdom teeth is all of a sudden causing problems making my gums bleed/jaw hurt, and I haven't had more than a couple hours of sleep a night in the past month - so I've had all the physical problems that go along with that - sore body, headache, no energy...
Sorry, I'm just bitching now.

> Again, I endorse the plan you lay out above, but can't help but wonder if there is a way for you to get the help and support you want. I know it's so hard to accommodate the time for obsessing. I know that with G when I managed to communicate my needs and concerns he accommodated me. When I said I was freaking out about leaving in an upset state, he adjusted his style so it was less intense and more day-to-day focused. I'm wondering if Scott could help you more than you know. And I'm wondering if you wrote down what you need to say/ask before you went in, whether that would help you through the issue of not remembering. But if you need time away from him and that process, you are going about it in a way that I think is smart.
I like that you get how hard it is to accommodate the time for obsessing. Scott doesn't get that (I haven't explained it to him). I once told him that I didn't think I'd have time to come when I started school and he said "it's only an hour..." and I tried to explain that it takes a lot more time than that.
I have to think about this more. Not right now. I don't have all that much time to think right now. But I think that he would be able to make it less intense if I explained to him that I needed that. Right now I'm just deciding on a week to week basis if I need to see him - if I'm spending tons of time outside our session thinking about him, then I might as well go see him and work on whatever's bugging me, but if I'm managing to get my work done and not obsess about him, then I will wait until the holidays...

(Edited 1 minute later.)

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