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Topic: about bpd

george started this discussion 5 years ago #2,454

i have a terrible family problem and i'm desperate for help.I' living in romania, a poor east europe country without psychiatric culture but full of superstition, my wife is bpd and i have a 2yo boy which i love dearly.I'm 47 and my wife is 32.We haven't have sex from the day my child was born but this isn't a real issue for me.My wife is increasingly violent lately,she call me names and curse me, she can't beat me up but she try and hit me, of course i'm a lot stronger then she is and i draw boundaries, if she strike me, i'm restricting her moves and after that she starts to cry prolonged and complain i "beat" her.She knows that she is sick,we discuss that but i think deep inside she doesn't recognize this, she does not want to do any sort of treatments, instead she went to see the priest who told her to temper and gave her prayers to read before sleeping but with little help.The life here is unsafe and expensive, my job and her job does not cover all the costs and i used to work overtime as self employed and earn a decent living but she take care to throw the money away and to prevent me from working using the baby's needs asking me to help her to raising him even she had 2years paid pause for this job.As result, i lost almost all my clients, i have a huge debt and she gave me this morning the engagement and marriage rings back, also she press me to sell the house.I can't see any future and i feel stuck.She gave no sign of reason in the last 2 years and i'm scared that after she find another sucker she might obtain the child custody and I'm afraid of my kid future along this iresponsable mother.After every fight she ask forgiveness from me but also pretend me to ask forgiveness too from her because"she feel th

Gina joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 4 hours later[^] [v] #0

Hm. I dont think you quite finished your post but from what is there...
Are you really getting divorced?
I know with my bpd i've broken up with my bf on multiple occasions and then realise that isnt what i want. If she ends up coming back, and you take her back, understand that people with bpd are very unstable and do things impulsively and then later regret it. I'm not saying that's an excuse but it's deffinetly something we and our loved ones deal with a lot. I cant finish my point right now because i'm done with my break, so i'll come back. Hopefully you can finish your post too. (if its not done)

george (OP) replied with this 5 years ago, 1 week later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

she just come in so i had to stop writing to avoid another senseless argue like "do you feel macho enough making our intimacy known by strangers",like my npd father did long time ago but this means that she don't have regrets but shame that she is not able to hide this true face of her and probably alter the shy image that she promoted about herself.if i divorce her, it will be for good but the problem is the child. after two years he become very attached to her (to both of us) but he is clearly affected by our fights partially because she imply him in argues as a "shield" (against her imagination perhaps because i never hit her)never the less trying to hit,yelling, crying, cursing me and keeping little Paul between us even i don't do anything and keep quiet.sometimes i think that everything could end so simply with a slap and sometimes i,m very tempted to, but i know that this is what she is aiming, a good reason to split and take the baby with her.i don't think i really love her anymore but i'm sure that i love my baby and i could not forgive myself if i leave him with this mad mother and i'm sure she know this and use it to pull the string harder so i keep playing this damned role.sometimes i think that this is my cross to carry but really i don't belive it.i don't see the exit door from this story and that puzzle me.can you give me an answer?

Gina replied with this 5 years ago, 5 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

That's tough. Maybe look up child custody laws in your area and find a way to make sure you get your son? I honestly cant be of much help :( if you dont love her then it's better youre not together. But since youre worried about your son you need to do what's best for him. Idk... If you can, you should contact a lawyer.
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