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Topic: Why is it so hard for people to care?

Gina started this discussion 5.1 years ago #2,214

This all started fucking with my head an hour ago. When i woke up i was completely depressed over the bf.
Who was the only person i've ever felt actually cared about me. Which was awesome. He put up with a lot of my crap, and i thought it was the real deal...
But i guess my issues have drained him of his love for me. Which i thought was unconditional. I don't really blame him, because i'm really dramatic, needy, crazy, sensitive, etc. But i'm just crushed cause i thought he was the one. Then i started thinking about the rest of the people i've ever cared about...

I don't get it.
I've never had anyone genuinely care about me. (atleast not for long)
I mean...okay, so i care about all my friends (when i have friends), so much that i'd do pretty much anything to help them when life gets hard.
All i want is half of that. Not even half. I care too much, so i don't expect them to be on my level with that.
But I honestly don't remember the last time anyone has returned the favor.(except my probably soon to be ex-bf) I feel used because nobody gives me the time of day when i need a friend. But when they need something from me, they're knocking on my door. Maybe it's because i'm so eager to help, but i just wish that out of all i've given, i could just get a little back. I just want to feel cared about. And i thought i had that.

Am i not worth it?
Do i not deserve it?
Am i that unliked?
Should i just give up?

Thoughts, opinions? Anything to help me gain perspective on this?

niase joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 week later[^] [v] #0

I had been sick for years now, i lost all of my possession due to this illness, every member of my family became tired of me cos to them i was now a liability, i bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at bishopjakesmore@gmail.com when he requested for 350 dollars to buy the items for pary for me to cure me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to him and she said to me that she paid 500 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced to pay the money and i did two days after , he paryed for me the sicknss i was cured of all of the diseases that i was attacked with. And also he said to me that my wife that had ran away will be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took place...This man at bishopjakesmore@gmail.com is just so good at his spell work

Molly joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Gina,this is another one of those gd adds again. So annoying.

Anyway, Atleast it got me to read what you wrote a week ago. I didn't see it. I'll take a crack at it..How I felt while reading your thoughts:

True love does not want anything in return. Real love is acceptance. Acceptance(love) of others never repels people. Everyone wants to be accepted/loved.

If I had to guess,you are so demanding on your needs from others,that you are not loving them unconditionally.

Love is not about what others can do for you,or what you could do for them. Real acceptance(aka love) has nothing to prove.

The greatest teachers in love for me are my children. They just accept ALL people. It does not matter age,color,or what they believe,how they choose to live their life,or what they eat...they are 100% accepting of others. They do not need any of these people to do something for them,or expect anything from them..Expectations is loves opposite.

Love does not drain people.Expectations drains.

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 7 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thanks molly. :/
I guess i am demanding. But i just want to feel cared about... I've never really had that. Idk... :c i should just give up...

Molly replied with this 5.1 years ago, 38 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

I can understand that. Sometimes I hate using words and would rather give you a hug. This is one of those times.

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 28 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Thanks <3

I feel completely insane right now.
Me and my mom are looking into a treatment center so i can get the help i need. There's very little hope for me getting help while staying at home...
I hope i can get into/afford one.
If i put myself in that environment and give it everything i've got there might be hope (which is what i plan to do), and if i fail...i dont know if i can live anymore :c

Gina (OP) double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 41 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Yeah. Its getting to be too much. Its always been too much actually. Its over the line of that. I feel like i've snapped

Molly replied with this 5.1 years ago, 2 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

Great! This sound like a REALLY good thing. Work your butt off for this girl!;) do what it takes.

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Yeah...i probably wont even get in or be able to afford it...and i honestly dunno if i can even do it. I feel crippled. Unable to do anything. But imma give it my best shot...

Gina (OP) double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 2 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Ive looked up a lot of crap and people say its possible.
they dont know all that much about it, though theyre getting a lot closer. Its also quite common i guess. Says 2% of the population meet the criteria

Uhm. Its also partially genetic, so...idk if its something i just have to manage for the rest of my life, or something i can rid of almost completely.
I feel like i'ma be stuck with this forever, been fucked up 15 fucking years dude, AND I'M ONLY FUCKIN 20 >:(

Gina (OP) triple-posted this 5.1 years ago, 40 seconds later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Oops double post

(Edited 29 seconds later.)

Gina (OP) quadruple-posted this 5.1 years ago, 10 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Almost 6 months. I dont really know whats going on with us atm. We're not together but we ended up talking after i ended it and he felt somewhat bad at the end of our arguement. He appologized atleast. He told me i'm really important to him.
Idk we're just the same but completely different at the same time. I love him no matter what. We're just in a really crappy situation...

Sorry more than you asked for lol

(Edited 50 seconds later.)

Gina (OP) quintuple-posted this 5.1 years ago, 11 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

I'm not sure really.
Its confusing


I think ima wait it out until i get treatment and hopefully when i'm out if we still want eachother, we wont have those issues D:

(Edited 53 minutes later.)

Mary joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 day later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

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Hi Gina, I know that suffering with symptoms of BPD can be well.... intense. I've always felt like what most negatively affects me is seeing things differently than others and not knowing that those perceptions are wrong and then getting kind of twisted up in feeling like others are crucifying me or trying to hurt me. Then, there is a feeling of not being safe and that's when I can act kind of "crazy". It's always been overly intense for me to feel close to someone and since I didn't like that feeling, I would back away from it either consiously or not and would lose most relationships(sometimes quite destructively). There's so much more too, feeling up, then down, depression, worthless, etc....

Don't think that your symptoms and how you experience life can't get better. I have been on a long journey to heal from this PD and have realized that for me, things can get much better. I will probably always have some characteristics of BPD but I know my triggers and really know myself well now and my symptoms are getting much better and are much milder. You learn a lot through life experiences too and what works and what doesn't. I have great relationships now, esp. with my children and family. And, much better self-control.

Find a good therapist, preferably one that specializes in BPD or PD's. Let them know upfront of your diagnosis so that they can be honest about whether they feel they will be a good therapist for you or not. There are some great therapists out there who understand the struggles of BPD and find it rewarding to work with us.

What are the symptoms that are hardest for you to cope with?

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Well that gives me some hope, thanks mary.
I honestly just feel crazy :/
Lately, im really scared i'm going to be left by my bf. So i keep leaving him before he leaves me. I honestly have been going insane trying to do things right, but obviously i'm doing everything wrong...I'm so paranoid.
Its actually made everything so much worse. :(
This is taking a toll on me...

I feel like giving up because the feeling of insanity. I'm always so depressed and angry that i snap at my mom for the stupidest shit. Which makes me feel horrible about myself. Because she's done so much for me. I dont mean to say/do the things i do, but i cant control myself sometimes...

So yeah... Just the intensity of these emotions...i want to be able to react to things in a better way without going crazy -.-

Mary replied with this 5.1 years ago, 28 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I can relate to that, trying to avoid or control the separation. I've always felt like when you don't have a strong sense of self, losing a relationship with someone can be excruciating painful or can, interestingly, even feel like you're disappearing.

I also understand the crazy emotions and frustration associated with BPD. Over-reations are the way most view it when actually the reaction is proportionate to how we feel. It's a rollercoaster for sure for us and people in our lives!

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 47 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Right? I've been so depressed over it, i've lost so many people in my life, which has been very very hard on me, and this guy i'm in love with, so its even harder.

That's a good way to put it. I deffinetly get told i'm overreacting a lot :/

I cant deal with this anymore D:

Molly joined in and replied with this 5.1 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

> I cant deal with this anymore D:

Mary,that was helpful for someone like me who doesnt understand how it feels to have BPD. "Over-reations are the way most view it when actually the reaction is proportionate to how we feel."

How do you deal with it? Especially while being a mom,which is the most frustrating job sometimes?

(Edited 1 minute later.)

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 20 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

It feels like a living hell to me.
I'm very sensitive and every emotion i feel is magnified by 10000x
I feel insane, as i've said a lot.
Idk its very intense...

Mary replied with this 5.1 years ago, 10 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Fortunately, I'm "at home" with myself while mothering. I've always thought it has something to do with of course, the love I have for my children, but also those good "love" hormones that are abundant within us when caring for our children. I am usually very even emotionally when with them, I'm at my most comfortable and really the most "me".

Now, if I had them earlier in my life when I was at the peak of my symptoms, it would not have been ideal. I've worked very hard to know myself and my triggers. I'm not cured(that doesn't usually happen), but much, much better. What helps a lot is asking when I feel something is threatening to me since I can perceive things and scenarios incorrectly at times, usually negatively. It can stop a bad situation from happening. Like, instead of getting to stage 5(being the worst), I can stop it at say, stage 1 or 2. This way, my relationships are intact and it prevents my children from seeing Mom how she used to be when she didn't have the self-control that is needed to be a good parent. I still make mistakes, but nothing over-the-top anymore. When I'm under stress is when I can relapse a bit and need to do the preventative work.

Thanks for asking Molly, it took me years to get past the stigma of the disorder and to talk about it more freely.

Mary double-posted this 5.1 years ago, 4 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
It can be very intense Gina, and it can seem like there's no hope. But there is and with a lot of work on your part and on your therapists' part, things can get better. There are also different degrees of the disorder, some are affected with certain symptoms more than others. Are you seeing a therapist now?

Gina (OP) replied with this 5.1 years ago, 4 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #0

Not at the moment. I stopped seeing my last one because we didnt click. I'm going to start seeing another one when he's back from vacation.
Hopefully we get along better...
I hate having to start all over :/
I feel like therapists have never been helpful D;
I keep trying but nothing changes...

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 month later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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Ok if you two can works you magic and do such wonders PROVE IT here and now for all of us. ROTF in tears LMAO

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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That's just what I thought. . .

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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So do you need an eel, a rat, a bat, eye of newt? A lock of my true loves hair maybe some of his nail clippings?

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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sigh.... you just can not find good business people any more!

Hexi joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 43 seconds later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

/facepalm Obvious scam spam posts, just ignore them, jeez.

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

Jeez, just having some fun untwist your boxers . . . I know what it is already its storming outside and I can't fly my broom

(Edited 41 seconds later.)

Jennifer joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 10 minutes later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

Maybe we should show them the picture in the religion thread on the social board. Tell them thats what we do to witches.

(Edited 18 seconds later.)

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> Maybe we should show them the picture in the religion thread on the social board. Tell them thats what we do to witches.

Guess I have't seen that one.

Hexi replied with this 5 years ago, 56 seconds later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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You should. You would love it.

Sherry. joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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> You should. You would love it.

:) ah but not as much as I love you I'm sure

Hexi replied with this 5 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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Well that would be a tall order cause I'm so loveable. Like a cute teddybear.

Sherry joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 month after the original post[^] [v] #0

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> Well that would be a tall order cause I'm so loveable. Like a cute teddybear.

I'd bet my husband's life on it.
:
[upload]

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