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Topic: Sister is a sociopath

Kathy started this discussion 5.8 years ago #1,339

My therapist told me my sister was a sociopath when we were in our 40's. I've read the book "the sociopath next door" and I agree with him. How do I protect myself from her? My mother does not know and would not believe it even if I told her. I have pulled away over the years but she has noticed and just tries to get more involved in my life. I am at a lose at how to handle her. Se can be very viditive.

Shelly joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 1 hour later[^] [v] #0

If you truly believe she is a sociopath then there is really only one logical conclusion as to how to deal with her. You don't deal with her. Period. Sociopaths are not capable of legitimate relationship on any level.

Cassandra joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 1 hour later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

But she's worried her sister will retaliate for shunning her.

Shelly replied with this 5.8 years ago, 5 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Then she will have to call the police. If she doesn't have need to, already. They will escort her sister away and she can get a restraining order.

Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 8 hours later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

It's your sister. You know her better than anyone here. Are you really ready to cut off all contacts with your very close family member?

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> Then she will have to call the police. If she doesn't have need to, already. They will escort her sister away and she can get a restraining order.
Or maybe she has to sneak to her sister's apartment at night and pour some hot boiling water on her?

(Edited 3 minutes later.)

Differential joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 9 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
That depends entirely on what your definition of "legitimate relationship." It's a little self-righteous to assume your way is the only way. Mutually beneficial relationships are legitimate. I'd rather deal with the unempathic sociopath than the witch-hunting hatemongers that open their mouths like this.

Kathy: Ask yourself: Fourty years of her just being a vindictive sister have gone by, suddenly there's a new word for her and you want to cut her out like she's some sort of disease. Don't you deserve her being vindictive? Would you be reacting the same way if she was gay? Would you want to cut her out of your life if she WASN'T labeled a sociopath? If so, why didn't you do so already?

Shelly replied with this 5.8 years ago, 8 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Have you ever known a TRUE sociopath? I don't mean someone with sociopathic tendencies. I mean like, a TRUE sociopath? I have. I worked with an EIGHT year old and a 40 year old who were true, honest to goodness sociopaths, and I think the point is, people always say shit like 'he's a sociopath' and they really have no idea what that looks like when it's full-on true. The application of what zero empathy actually looks like in real life = zero regard for anyone else's well-being at any time. It's ALL, and I mean, ALL, about their agenda and what strikes them as beneficial and/or twistedly fun to them at any moment. No matter what cost to any person around them. And all people on the outside are on the same playing field. It's not like they treat family better than others... because there's only "I" in a sociopaths world. The rest of reality is just their playing field.

Shelly double-posted this 5.8 years ago, 6 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
And I don't think my way is the only way. I think there is a broad spectrum of humanity... and then there are TRUE sociopaths, who, largely, are the serial killers of the world. No joke. My point was this: I think the odds of her sister being a TRUE sociopath are relatively low... but if she honestly believes that is what she is, there is no 'working' the situation. She either accepts the consequences that will come from this relationship which could, honestly, be deadly, or she can cut her out. If these options seem extreme to her, then her sister is probably not really a sociopath. She probably just has sociopathic tendencies.

Differential replied with this 5.8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
You could say that I have. Considering that I believe the number is currently 1 in 20 (we'll run with 1 in 50, since that's the lowest proportion I've seen listed in any study) I find it hard to believe that there aren't sociopaths out there simply content to spend all their time playing videogames, having manipulated their way into a responsibility-free environment where everything is practically handed to them on a silver platter.

But hey, what do I know? I don't understand empathy. Maybe it really does justify the hatred. Burn the witch, I say! Burn her!

Edit: I'm not casting a vote to spare the sister's feelings. I'm casting a vote for OP to check and make sure her own conscience (assuming they have one) is okay with what's happening.

(Edited 1 minute later.)

Lega replied with this 5.8 years ago, 4 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> and then there are TRUE sociopaths, who, largely, are the serial killers of the world.
I already thought you might be joking around.

For Kathy:
The above is not true.

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

Differential replied with this 5.8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
You know, I missed that line. Probably because I've read the anti-sociopathic rigamarole before. Kind of like having a pet bird - after a while, the screeching in the background just stops.

Shelly, I would reccomend a little less Dexter and a little more reality. Just sayin'.

Shelly replied with this 5.8 years ago, 15 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
OK. Here's the deal. The term sociopath isn't even really used that clearly anymore. What people associate with sociopath, now, is "anti-social personality disorder"... which, in my experience, is completely a different thing than a person who appears to actually be lacking a soul, of any kind. Maybe you all are talking about 'anti-social personality disorder'? Heck I thought I knew what a sociopath was until I had regular interactions with two of them, and then I understood. Or maybe I've just been fortunate enough to run into two people whom, I am quite convinced, are of the 'capable, quite easily, of being a serial killer, if the whim so strikes them sociopath variety'.

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

Shelly double-posted this 5.8 years ago, 1 minute later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
I'm not really saying 'burn the witch'... :) I get it, you are wanting her to reflect for herself. Totally valid.

Differential replied with this 5.8 years ago, 10 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Wait, we can see the soul, now? Man, science has come a long way since I last checked. Do animals have souls, too? Or is it just the cute ones?

And yes, that's exactly what you were saying. "She's a sociopath! Get away! Run! Cut her out entirely! Don't even give her a chance! Flee!"

Next we'll find out it's God's will that the "true sociopaths" be hated.

Shelly replied with this 5.8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Oh sheeeeeesh. Such drama. I said "if you truly believe she's a sociopath" for a reason. I wanted to see what she would say in response. If it seemed extreme to her, or if she had hesitation about this, I would have said she needed to probably do a little more research on the topic before just labeling her sister something like that.

Differential replied with this 5.8 years ago, 4 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Drama is usually a great way to make a point, I've found.

I do believe the thread started with "The doctors said she was a sociopath." The labeling is already out of OP's hands. My guess is that removing all ties with the sister didn't seem extreme given that they've already tried it. -My- point was that reflection might not have already happened, and it should. Yours was simply encouragement down the path that they've already stated they agree with.

Edit: veering topic way off course, here. Hopping back on topic, though if you'd like to I'm more than willing to continue the discussion on the Social board.

@OP: The diagnosis was there before the Doc perscribed it. If you weren't attempting to cut ties before then, but you area attempting to cut ties now, all you're doing is attempting to sever ties based on something someone labeled her. Ask yourself if you'd like that done to you.

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

Shelly replied with this 5.8 years ago, 3 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
She said her therapist told her her sister was a sociopath. Which was kind of what led me to be skeptical about the validity of her sister actually being a sociopath. Maybe could have phrased it better, though. Baiting someone is maybe not always the best way to make a point... especially if they don't respond ;-)

Shelly double-posted this 5.8 years ago, 56 seconds later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
the last part to OP, quite good.

Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 17 minutes later, 12 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

It's in the bible. I read it. Thou shalt not consort with sociopaths. It is an abomination unto the Lord.

HALLELUJAH! Can I get an Amen?!?!

(Edited 4 minutes later.)

Kathy (OP) replied with this 5.8 years ago, 5 hours later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #0

she has alot of sociopath triats, the lieing, CHARMING, self center, the victim role(poor me), what ever to her is always greater than anyone else, high drama, no real interest in you, poor social skills--does what ever she likes with no concern for your feeling, I've have never known her to feel guilty about anything or sorry she did this or that. I at least know who she is and what to expect now...the one thing that the book did say was "never give a sociopath any info about yourself, the least they know the better. That is what I have done I don't reveal my true feelings. There are advantages to having a sociopath ...they never give up!!! If you want someone to fight for you,,,she is your lady. Her daughter is downs (which adds to the poor me) and what the woman has been able to accomplish is amazing. Now it is her version??? Huh? I just wanted to know if anyone out there was in the same position.

Mary joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 2 weeks later, 2 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

Her daughter is not "downs", she is a person/child who was born w/ down syndrome. Down syndrome does not define who she is.

Jerry joined in and replied with this 5.8 years ago, 1 week later, 3 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

".the one thing that the book did say was "never give a sociopath any info about yourself, the least they know the better. "

I find this line Interesting. So the therapist is not really a therapist so much as Martha Stout's "The Sociopath Next door"? I thought as Much when you went over the list of symptoms. I know the Book.
Here is my opinion. She is not Inaccurate about the 4 % figure. And of all the symptoms you mentioned there is a scale in terms of which mean more than which others. " Lack of remorze" which you mentioned is a Huge pne. So yes, your sister is a sociopath. What next? Let us define what i is she has, then think about what it means.

She cannot relate in any way to your feelings, she feels NO connection to your emotions. Now Stout is right, this does mean that she can do anything to you, and Not feel anything as she does it, slip a knife in you some night? ... Maybe but only if you upset her I think. I have had fantasies about killing people around me, have I Killed anyone? Only Little animals as I was growing up. I stopped because I did Not want to get caught and sent to prison.

I mention this because I want you to understand, while I lack a Limiting agent based onan emotional connection to others around me, the prison system limits me fine. Some say " run and don't look back." or " she cannot have " legitimate connections" The thing that jumps ou t at me is, that your sister 1. Did not choose to be who she is... and 2. Your sister has free will, and while her condition means that nothing will stop her form filetting you Like a fish if you cross her , and she feels she can get away with it.... Nothing forces her to do this either.

Personally, I believe you need to ask yoruself How Much is your life worth to you? She is your sister, but if she is trully sociopathic, I can promise you, she knows you her entire life but you mean Nothing to her. So you need to ask yurself.."1. Can I cut off all ties and stay safe? and ... 2. Can I stare down relatives that Look down at me for suddenly pulling away from your sister? I would leave her alone, and Put new Locks On your door. I would share with your mom what your sister is... and explain what it means. But be prepatred to have your mother not believe you... No one believes we are as we are... Personally I think sociopathy is Not evil... but it can lead to evil acts. The only limit to what a sociopath can do.... is the sociopath.." 1. is it fun? will I enjoy it? 2. Can I get away with it? 3. if I get caught can a good lawyer get me off?"

Jerry double-posted this 5.8 years ago, 13 minutes later, 3 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #0

One More thing. I have been married for over 20 years. I have become very good at faking the whole emotion thing. I know How to react to emotional stimuli so that it is Not obvious I am mulling things over. If you ask My wife she will say I have been a blessing In her life sent from God. Why? Because while My Motivation is.. to hide my nature from everyone around me. I do so By faking the " Loving Husband" thing. I do it so well, that she has a " good well trained" husband at home. My family knows they can count on me when they need me. One of the advantages of having someone without a consiounce is, when you need protecting nothing will limit how far they will go to defend or protect you... that's the good news. The bad news? If you piss one off..... Nothing will limit How far they will go to play with you before they crush you Like a Bug. I will say this.. I would Not crush you because I do not wish to spend My time in prison. I would find another way to channel My rage... Not sure if this helps you... but... in my opinion... hoping a sociopath is on your side for the benefits of having them stand up for you.... is Not worth the isk of having one pissed at you, cause you accidentally scorned her. Sociopaths also react way out of proportion to the alleged offence. Do you really want to have this person in your life?

Lindsey reed joined in and replied with this 5.5 years ago, 2 months later, 3 months after the original post[^] [v] #0

All serial killers are sociopaths but not all sociopaths are serial killers. Sonora extremely possible that you'd sister is a sociopath. My sister is and as sad as it is you must at all costs avoid her. You can't win against s sociopath but you can choose to not play their games. A sociopath should really be pitied. How lonely it must feel to have no feeling, not know what love is and have no remorse. I'm sure some of the advice here is from actually sociopaths trying to make u think they are not to worry about but do not listen. They are dangerous. Get her out of your life!!!!

Anonymous J joined in and replied with this 5.5 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^] [v] #0

(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)

> One More thing. I have been married for over 20 years. I have become very good at faking the whole emotion thing. I know How to react to emotional stimuli so that it is Not obvious I am mulling things over. If you ask My wife she will say I have been a blessing In her life sent from God. Why? Because while My Motivation is.. to hide my nature from everyone around me. I do so By faking the " Loving Husband" thing. I do it so well, that she has a " good well trained" husband at home. My family knows they can count on me when they need me. One of the advantages of having someone without a consiounce is, when you need protecting nothing will limit how far they will go to defend or protect you... that's the good news. The bad news? If you piss one off..... Nothing will limit How far they will go to play with you before they crush you Like a Bug. I will say this.. I would Not crush you because I do not wish to spend My time in prison. I would find another way to channel My rage... Not sure if this helps you... but... in my opinion... hoping a sociopath is on your side for the benefits of having them stand up for you.... is Not worth the isk of having one pissed at you, cause you accidentally scorned her. Sociopaths also react way out of proportion to the alleged offence. Do you really want to have this person in your life?

Jerry- out of all the people who replied here you know what you are talking about. It is good to know someone
understands.

Kathy (OP) replied with this 5 years ago, 6 months later, 10 months after the original post[^] [v] #0

well, 10 months ago I wrote about my sister is a sociopath and I wanted to know how to deal with her. Well true to form the she showed her true colors...because I drank A beer at her house while watching her daughter, she wrote an e-mail to my husband (who has his own issues with drinking) just to cause trouble. When I asked her why she did this her reply "I told you not to do it". Well I don;t have to be concerned with her anymore. I quess she really did me a favor. The family (mother and older sister) don't understand what is wrong with her. I have their full support, thank god.
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